Norowareta Tsuki
by Neru
Summary: The last chapter. The cursed moon shines bright, on a night like this.. So at least please smile in the world falling apart
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Yoko Matsushita but those sick ideas are mine.  
  
You have been mine before. How long ago I may not know.  
  
It's true that a broken doll is useless to me. I don't need it when it doesn't bring me fun. But the truth is, that I don't like it the best when it's not spoiled. The moment I love the most is when it breaks, when it totally breaks and its heart crumbles so it can't restore it anymore.  
  
There is despair in its deep eyes, true pain, so great that nothing can heal it or compare to it. Its soul dies but its body remains and the doll is forced to this so-called existence. It's just living.  
  
I think that moment has come. The moment in which I will make the most beautiful of my marionettes sing the melody of despair for me.  
  
NOROWARETA TSUKI  
  
Hisoka didn't scream when he woke up. Those nightmares weren't something you can get used to, because in their monstrosity they terrify you each single time. This time, the vision was just too horrible to scream. It may look normal to someone else, but to him it was one of the worst.  
  
He wasn't dreaming about the past. This nightmare was about the future.  
  
He saw himself in dark room, shut from the light, gasping and unable to yell. Muraki's body was moving above his own and it was easy to imagine what he was doing. He felt only some parts of his emotions, like if the whole scene was only presented to him, from behind the transparent but thick wall. But then he realized the most terrible fact. He was whispering "Muraki-sama" and... when vision cleared a bit he noticed himself, holding his hand out to stroke the man's cheek as they started to kiss.  
  
He did it at his own will.  
  
The boy got out of the bed, looked through the window and tried to cheer up. This was only a dream. Geez. It would be easier if he was a normal person, but he had learnt a long time ago, that his dreams always meant something.  
  
"SURPRISE!"  
  
Hisoka nearly fell out of the window, as Tsuzuki jumped at him. He yelled and they staggered on the floor. He shouted "Watch out, idiot" and managed to get up, but he slipped and while he was falling again he pulled Tsuzuki's neck with him, forcing him to land not on the floor but on the boy's face. The distance was too small.  
  
Then they heard a click and soon they realized that not only one person had a great idea of making sudden visit.  
  
"SURPRISE! I thought I would come as I saw..." said Watari cheerily but the view made him shut up.  
  
"I guess I had a bad timing. If you'll excuse..." he muttered, turning back, blushing.  
  
"No, wait. It's not like that! That baka just had the same idea as you. But instead of just yelling his happy mind, he jumped on me. And you can see the result," said Hisoka quickly, finally getting onto his feet. Tsuzuki nodded with a nasty smile which totally denied the boy's words and Watari just sweatdropped.  
  
"Well, did you bring us some paperwork or orders from the chief?" asked Hisoka and trampled on Tsuzuki's feet, seeing his double-meaning smirk. "And you, don't make people get the wrong ideas."  
  
"Why? Can't I visit you without a reason? How me-an." The blonde was offended.  
  
"Of course you can. I didn't mean it."  
  
"Watari, don't you want some sweets as an apology?" Asato turned into his inu-form.  
  
Watari looked sceptically into big sparkling eyes, sighed and patted his head.  
  
"If you want sweets, you should just tell us."  
  
"My, as if he could really fool anyone on this matter," mumbled Hisoka.  
  
Kurosaki pretended to look not tired and tried to ignore the wave of people with their loud thoughts. Shields weren't cracking yet but he was as far as possible from feeling comfortable. Nevertheless, he didn't want to spoil his friends' good moods.  
  
"Oh, let's go there! Please, please, please!" begged Tsuzuki pointing at small door with pink, glowing shop-sign "CANDIES". They saw a family with bags full of sweets getting out of there.  
  
"Can you really eat more?" moaned Watari.  
  
"He's never fed up."  
  
They entered and soon Tsuzuki began to squeak and buy everything in sight (as long as his tightened budget allowed so). A young girl, around eighteen, watched them with a smile. She seemed very sympathetic and there were many emotions overflowing her; happiness, joy and love. Love... somehow Hisoka felt that her emotion of love is different from... normal? He didn't have much time do consider it, because Tsuzuki was finally done and they got out, waving to the girl.  
  
"It's good that kids help parents with work," said Watari.  
  
Asato nearly choked on a cookie and stared at him. "Gods, you said that in the manner of an eight-year-old."  
  
"Look who's speaking. Grandpa told me that I sound old!"  
  
Hisoka rolled his eyes.  
  
I need help.  
  
The boy halted and looked around. Then he realized that someone was speaking to him telephatically.  
  
Help me. Now, because it will be too late, oh, hel-  
  
"Be quiet you two," he hissed. They stopped arguing. Hisoka tried to feel that message's author but his presence wasn't clear.  
  
Oh I see it, always feel it--  
  
"The shop!" he yelled and rushed into the candy shop which they left few minutes ago. There was someone there and he was calling help.  
  
"Can I help you? Oh, it's you? Still hungry?" asked the girl with a wide grin.  
  
Kurosaki, confused, looked around. The area was too small for anyone to hide, and there weren't any stairs or doors too. The girl's thoughts were calm, hilarious and she surely couldn't be the troubled person who screamed for rescue.  
  
"Oh. I thought I forgot something but I must have left it somewhere else. Sorry for the fuss."  
  
He sighed and faked a slightly worried expression.  
  
"No problem. Was it something important?"  
  
"Not really. Bye." He pulled Tsuzuki's and Watari's arms and almost kicked them out quickly.  
  
"What was that little game?" asked Watari curiously. "You rushed like mad and then lied about forgetting something."  
  
"I was trying to find the person who had asked me for help," he explained simply.  
  
"Aaa..?"  
  
"Some voice screamed to me telepathically and it begged to save him. Or her, I'm not sure. That someone's presence was near the candy shop."  
  
"Was it that girl?"  
  
"No. The aura of that person and her aura were completely different. It's impossible."  
  
Hisoka shrugged.  
  
"We have another problem to resolve. But I guess it's nothing serious. It happened before, right?"  
  
"Eee... not really," he replied uneasily.  
  
Asato gave Watari a meaningful look.  
  
No dreams at all? Well, no news is good news, thought Hisoka, relieved. This night no images of Muraki interrupted his sleep. Peaceful night. Pleasure.  
  
He felt happy, without a reason and it made him even happier. He wanted to see Tsuzuki's face, at once.  
  
Hey, hey, what kind of thought was that?  
  
Broken, ah, break me...  
  
Again? This time, the voice was clearer. It was feminine one, sweet but unknown. He was sure it was the same as that from before but now it sounded different. No despair, just begging and desire for runaway and help. Now it was full of euphory, joy and... lust?  
  
Can you hear me, Hisoka? I'm the one, I'm the one...  
  
She knew his name. She almost sang that word, enjoying its sound. It was somehow frightening, that joy mixed with unhealthy desire.  
  
"Who are you?" he tried to ask but the voice went silent as it didn't want to contact directly. Hisoka didn't like that at all.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" suddenly asked his partner. The boy almost jumped.  
  
"I-I didn't see you coming in," he stammered.  
  
"You seem startled. Nah, tell me what's wrong." Tsuzuki reached for Hisoka's hand and caressed it gently. Kurosaki blushed slightly.  
  
"It's just... that voice keeps 'sending' various odd messages to me. It annoys me, because I'm not sure whose voice it is. I only know that hint is somewhere around the candy shop."  
  
Tsuzuki watched him with worried look.  
  
"Oh, don't let it bother you. It's nothing serious-"  
  
"Of course it is. We're going to that place at once."  
  
"But, but-"  
  
"Hell-!" Tsuzuki stopped with 'hello' on his lips. Hisoka hushed him as they heard conversation in rather raised voices.  
  
"I hate you, I hate you!"  
  
"Rika, stop it, you know I want what's good for you."  
  
"Yes, yes, you keep repeating it all the time! But I can't, I just can't go there! It's a big house for madmen I know it!"  
  
"It's a very good psychical health service center with qualified medics who will help you!"  
  
The girl called Rika started to yell frantically and hit with fists probably on the counter.  
  
"I don't need help!"  
  
Need help...  
  
"Rika, you need help."  
  
Need help...  
  
"Ladies, I think a quite good resolution comes to my mind."  
  
"I don't think we need your advice," said the first girl harshly.  
  
"Yeah, Muraki-san will always stay by my side, right? You won't let her send me there!"  
  
Hisoka felt a stone in his throat.  
  
'Muraki-san?'  
  
TBC.  
  
I hope you've liked that I think that the first chapter isn't that good but the real fun will soon begin. A lot of sick, crazy fun, mwahahaha! 


	2. Chapter 2

NOROWARETA TSUKI  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The door handle didn't bear that rather big weight any longer. With a nearly-silent 'crack', it pressed itself and both men almost fell into the shop.  
They saw two girls, around the age of eighteen. Beside the blonde with blue eyes who they knew, there was also the other one, with raven- black hair and the same piercing sapphire eyes. Behind her stood the too well-known for Tsuzuki and his partner man- Muraki Kazutaka. He smiled insolently, but it seemed that this reunion was unexpected for him. Obviously, for them, it wasn't a very happy surprise.  
"Good morning. Our destinies are really bound somehow."  
"It's just you who makes them bound," thought Hisoka angrily, but aloud he said only, "What are you doing here?"  
"I'm visiting my charming friends' shop." He pointed at the girls. Rika looked happy but the blonde quite the opposite.  
"What a coincidence," snickered Tsuzuki, and absent-mindedly placed his hand on Hisoka's shoulder.  
"Isn't it? And you, Tsuzuki-san, are even more beautiful than ever."  
"Piss off."  
The blonde gave Muraki insolent smile and winked at Tsuzuki.  
"You're on his side?"  
"Of course."  
"Arai doesn't like me very much," sighed Muraki and faked a sad smile. Then his normal naughty smirk returned to its position. "But I still like her."  
Hisoka rolled his eyes and gave him a disgusted look. Muraki's expression went even more perverted than his usual one as he said, almost caringly:  
"Jealous? You shouldn't be, for you know that you are the dearest one to me, Hisoka."  
The mentioned one found himself dumb for a while. He managed to gather up his thoughts and retrieve his common sense but he failed.  
Did Muraki called him by name?  
Did he named him the dearest?  
Did he said it with the hint of something naughty going on his mind?  
Unfortunately, the only true answer was: yes. And Hisoka really didn't like it. As he saw his partner's face, he wasn't pleased too. Shock was mixed with 'Come-closer-and-I'll-kick-your-ass' expression spread all over his face. Another inconvenient conclusion: trouble.  
"But--but-- you said about that resolution...?" Rika poked Muraki, leading everybody's attention on herself.  
"She hates to be ignored," muttered Arai and the other girl stabbed her with a very cold glare.  
"Did I ask you?"  
"About the resolution... I think the best way is to try it. This center," exclaimed the silver-eyed man simply.  
"WHAT?! How... how can you even SUGGEST something like that?! You too?! Do you want those crazy charlatans to get rid of me?! I'm not mad! I just need hel-- no I don't need help, oh, but yes I do, NO, I don't need anyone's help, I-I doo-n't" she sobbed hysterically. Arai watched her worriedly and nodded to Muraki's almost invisible gesture. He left the shop.  
"Calm down, hush, it'll be all right, you'll see, all is going to be fine-"  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" she spluttered with anger. Pure fury was shimmering in her blue eyes as she started to yell uncontrollably. At that, Arai lost her nerves too, and started to scold her in harsh and loud voice. Hisoka's head was full of their perturbed emotions and soon another attraction arrived.  
--I see it only in parts, should I gather all?  
Will it destroy me, what I'm going to get to know?  
Sometimes it heals me so  
Sometimes I want to only scream 'no'  
Come with me  
And you'll see--  
The empath almost hummed. So, it began to perform rhyming short pieces of poetry? He let out a short uneasy laugh. This voice was so seductive, lurking and also so filed with hatred. It hated him strongly, whatever it was.  
"Rika, soon the doctors will come to take care of you," exclaimed Arai nervously.  
"I'm not going anywhere! Anywhere at any time!"  
"Please, don't make trouble or else they will force you to, and I don't want this," the blonde replied shortly and she cut the whole conversation. Rika merely stared at her, with wide eyes and disbelief. She started to tremble hysterically and whispered:  
"You would really do anything."  
"If you would excuse us. I guess there is personal affair which should get all of your attention," stammered Hisoka and as quick as possible he pulled his puzzled partner out.  
  
"Hisoka, I really don't understand what you're trying to do." He gave up. 'I thought we were to unravel..."  
"Not when somebody I want information from is concerned about putting her sister in an asylum," replied Hisoka calmly, but something suddenly sent off warning bells in his head. Just how...?  
"How did you know they're sisters?" asked Asato curiously.  
"I sensed it, baka," cut Hisoka and turned back trying not to face his partner. Tsuzuki followed him, without any suspicion.  
...in opposite to Hisoka.  
'How did I recognize Rika as her sister? I just knew it. Like if someone had told me about it before.'  
In that moment, he felt images furiously pushing themselves into his mind. His heart beat rapidly... that feeling was similar to drowning in emotions, in images, in dreams and in the sakura blossoms falling down with the wind.  
Fair hair flying around the face hidden in the shadows... someone else's hair, dark, composed with the darkness around and entwined in with the fair locks. Hands holding hands, hands wandering, bodies aching from pleasure, eyes... piercing blue eyes.  
Rika's eyes. Or, as well, Arai's eyes.  
He fell on his knees, shaking violently. He wanted these emotions to get out of his head, this dark lust that so painfully reminded him of his tormentor. It was so dirtying, those foreign thoughts so filthy.  
He restrained from screaming. They were in the rather abandoned back- street but he didn't want to make trouble, as his blurry common sense told him.  
He almost couldn't distinguish his own feelings, he felt that this stain belongs to him, he was sullied, oh, he was that filth...  
He barely saw Tsuzuki worriedly calling his name and asking...  
What was he saying? Where was he?  
Hisoka drowned in that filth.  
  
TBC.  
  
Thanks to my reviewers! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Matsushita-sensei and unfortunately she owns Muraki too TT  
  
NOROWARETA TSUKI  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Hisoka slowly opened his eyes. He was lying in Tsuzuki's apartment and normally he would grumble to himself, that he had made trouble again and had shown nothing but his weakness. But now he just met his partner's gaze and swallowed his tears. Who would care about being strong?  
"Hisoka, I was so worried. What happened to you? You have just... Hisoka? What's wrong?" he asked desperately, seeing the boy huddling up and sobbing quietly. "Hisoka..." whispered Tsuzuki, stroking his back and trying to face him.  
"Don't look at me."  
"What?" his eyes widened a bit as he sensed that hint of pain, of grief no one could soothe.  
"Anybody. Don't touch me. I don't want to. Those hands... get them off me. Please make them stop touching me!" his voice became more hysterical.  
Tsuzuki helplessly watched his struggling, feeling horrible as there was nothing he could do. He guessed it had something to do with Muraki and he'd willingly butcher him at the very moment... make him yell for mercy which he wouldn't get.. because he didn't give Hisoka any of it.  
Knock, knock, knock.  
Letting anyone in would be a rather unfortunate idea, he assumed.  
"Wait a sec, I'm coming in a minute!" he shouted.  
Somebody started to kick the door. It was when Hisoka stopped crying and managed to get up.  
"Sorry Tsuzuki... I made you worry. S-s-sorry, really..." he gasped and hugged the man tightly.  
"What happened?' he asked mildly.  
"Let's say that someone sent me a pile of nasty visual messages and didn't ask if I want to see them," replied Hisoka, regaining his cool, as if suddenly an invisible hand blew all of his nightmares away. Odd.  
Kick, kick!  
"Let me in!" pleaded the hysterical voice which they recognized as Rika's. Tsuzuki immediately ran to the door and opened it. The black-haired typhoon fell in his arms, mumbling, weeping her eyes out and punching the man. "I knew they would try to get rid of me! To make everyone believe I'm mad! So nobody would believe me! But only I'm conscious about what's really happening! I'm-!"  
"Calm down and tell us all you know. It's important," said Hisoka mildly. Asato was relieved that his partner was feeling better but according to his previous state, that sudden change in Hisoka's attitude worried him.  
"I'm not quite sure how to say it. More I feel it then clearly understand it. It's something good but some other me tells that it's horrible wrong."  
/ Sometimes it heals me so Sometimes I want to only scream 'no'/  
"Rika, were you the one who sent me that 'poetry'? And did you scream for help?" aske Hisoka carefully  
"About this poetry, yes. But I didn't call help."  
The silence fell between the two as they considered all the facts and thought about what else could they ask each other.  
  
- - -  
This is really funny. I didn't know how much fun would bring me their struggling, this uneasy seeking for the truth and anxiety about the results of this searching. All those people have their big part in my scenario and everything is going very well. Maybe a little too fast, but it isn't such a problem to bother with it. Jealous for the first. Total devotion for the second. Guilt for the third. - - -  
Rika opened her mouth to ask something when someone else entered the room. She turned back only to see a silver gun aimed at her. She squeaked. "What the-?!"  
"Oh God," stammered Kurosaki and got up immediately.  
The ruffled blond hair fell on the eyes as blue as the clear summer sky. Arai was wearing a tight pink dress, short-sleeved and high-heeled shoes. It wasn't quite her style, but standing with a gun leveled to her sister wasn't a usual thing, too, from Hisoka's point of view.  
"Only try to scream and I'll blow your head away. If you are a good girl you'll survive. You're not what I want, so be obedient and don't try anything stupid."  
"Arai. You really are Arai, but how-?" stammered her sister.  
"Excuse me?" threw in Tsuzuki, "Would you tell us-"  
"No I wouldn't. I'm here only to do that." She cut and in nanoseconds she shot.  
Tsuzuki by impulse closed his eyes, conceived that he would be the aim. Then he heard Rika's muffled scream.  
The scene he saw wasn't really reassuring. Hisoka held Rika in his arms. She bleed and it seemed that she shielded him from the gunshot.  
She coughed out some blood and Hisoka gasped, his eyes wide. Arai obviously wasn't satisfied with that result so she approached them, trying to level her gun at Hisoka.  
Just when Tsuzuki was about to render her, Rika surprisingly let go of Hisoka and jumped on her sister.  
As they both fell on the floor, Rika pulled out a knife.  
"Where did you hide it?!"  
"In my suspender; don't you watch films?" replied Rika maliciously and stabbed her through her right hand. Arai didn't make in time to pull the trigger and screamed. The gun fell out of her hand but Rika didn't bother with taking it. She stabbed again, this time in her sister's stomach.  
Arai yelled and struggled frantically. Tsuzuki assumed it was too much as he saw it. Self-defense's self-defense, but there are some borders.  
  
He tried to separate them but Rika easily pushed him away. Just when has she become so strong?! Asato got up and grasped her, trying to at least drag her as far as possible from Arai. Holding the tightly struggling girl he wondered where Hisoka was.  
The boy was simply sitting on the bed, gazing at his foot.  
"Hey, Hisoka, help me with them! Catch Arai!" yelled his partner.  
Kurosaki didn't answer. He just smiled.  
Asato almost let go of Rika from surprise. He ignored Arai coughing out blood and managing to crawl to the gun.  
Hisoka smiling?! Er, he couldn't recall that. But now Hisoka was smiling brightly and stood up.  
Rika felt that the grasp loosened and she pushed away Tsuzuki. She jumped at her sister again and now she didn't waste any time- she stabbed her through her heart few times. Even when Arai wasn't moving anymore she kept on stabbing her everywhere possible and laughing.  
Tsuzuki's eyes went wide but he was the only one who seemed to be terrified. Hisoka simply approached Rika and gently stopped her by patting her head.  
"Enough, Rika-chan."  
"She wanted to hurt you! I couldn't let her do it." She shot back angrily.  
"Why?"  
"I'm not jealous like her, I'm obedient."  
"Obedient enough to do anything I want you to?"  
Tsuzuki watched them in horror. Just what was happening right in front of his eyes?  
"Of course. This is my way of loving him."  
Kurosaki smirked and leaned forward to whisper something in her ear, loud enough for Tsuzuki to hear.  
"So die, Rika-chan."  
  
TBC.  
  
I hope it was quite twisted . I wanted to make it even more strange but I lost logic somewhere and I had to rewrite the whole chapter for it to fit in my idea. And speaking of my idea, I'm so mad at myself for it! Thanks to my reviewers... 


	4. Chapter 4

Big thanks to all reviewers, especially to SpphireDragon for reading and reviewing my fics. I really appreciate your opinions   
  
NOROWARETA TSUKI  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"So die, Rika," repeated Hisoka demandingly as she gave him a sideways look and did nothing. The boy sighed, shook his head as if saying 'I knew it,' and kneeled to pull away the dagger from Arai's body.  
  
"You know, I have a lot of time, but it'll get boring, sitting here like this and waiting for your decision," he snickered.  
  
They seemed to completely ignore Tsuzuki, who felt his eyes were already half of his face. He decided not to interfere yet; Maybe that conversation would give him some clues, which would be highly appreciated since the situation was more than unclear.  
  
"Rika, it's just an order. You have to die," Kurosaki gently scolded her and patted her arm. She only drooped her head, in indecision.  
  
"Why? There is no need for me?! Am I already useless?!" she tried to say it calmly but it ended in sobbing out her last words.  
  
"No, it's because... I guess, this is coming to an end soon. Even this moment could be one of our last ones."  
  
Tsuzuki gasped. However strange it was, that entire situation, those words gave him a very bad impression. They were so calm, ready for upcoming events, no matter how hard they would be.  
  
"Hisoka, what are you talking about?" he whispered.  
  
Hisoka slowly turned to face the man's anxious eyes and his expression changed slightly. It became cold, as cold as ice, and the disdainful smirk together with it presented the image of total hatred.  
  
"Don't be an idiot. I meant Noro-Tsuki."  
  
"What?"  
  
Hisoka turned his attention to Rika, who finally looked ready. She stood up, cupped Hisoka's face, and then embraced him.  
  
The boy pushed the dagger, deep, into her flesh, into her heart. Rika fell onto the floor, still clutching to Kurosaki's lap. The blood-covered blade slipped from his hand as he kneeled with her, wistfully watching her dark hair on her porcelain face and the piercing blue eyes, now forever closed.  
  
Tsuzuki was terrified. He should have stopped this, but he couldn't. While watching Hisoka and Rika, he forgot to pay attention to his surroundings, which came to be a big mistake. Now he was caught by a powerful spell, hastily absorbing his own force. As he was becoming weaker and weaker, shimmering threads soared from nowhere and captured him, pinning to a pentagram-shaped trap.  
  
He knew that trap. He was once caught by that, but also saved by Hisoka. The one who cast that spell, obviously...  
  
Muraki.  
  
His feverish thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a painful scream. His partner was trembling violently and holding his head in his shaking hands.  
  
"GET OUT! Get out of my head!!"  
  
His eyes were wide and shocked; He slowly moved his hands to reach to his heart. Then he gasped and fell lifelessly to the floor, right next to Rika and Arai. In the same moment Tsuzuki heard silent steps, and he knew who was coming even before he saw him.  
  
The door handle was pulled, and Muraki entered with the nastiest grin ever spread all over his face. Tsuzuki tossed around helplessly, having a really bad precognition about him being trapped, and Muraki being in the same room at the same time. But, surprisingly, the man only gave him a brief glance and headed to the three people lying on the floor.  
  
"What a pity. I really liked those charming ladies, though they were destined to die from the very beginning," he softly spoke to himself, or maybe to Tsuzuki. "Do you like Hisoka?" he then asked, this time exactly to Tsuzuki.  
  
The said one didn't like it. First, the question was disturbing and gave tons of bad feelings about what could have happened after. Second, the doctor called his partner by name, and it was not a good sign. His voice was not bored, or annoyed; It didn't sound like any other time he had mentioned the boy... as if he became more... fond of him?  
  
"What do you mean?" he returned the question carefully.  
  
"I want to know how much would you suffer if something bad should happen to him. Something which would leave him entirely broken, and even you would not be able to help him."  
  
"What are you trying to say?!" he yelled and managed to struggle out of his trap, but the magical threads, keen like a knife, only tightened.  
  
'If this bastard hurts Hisoka, I swear I will kill him with my bare hands right here and now!'  
  
"Calm down, I won't do anything more. Everything I could possibly do, I already did."  
  
Hisoka blinked and stood up, unconsciously looking around. He finally seemed to be himself, because when he recognized Muraki, he stiffened up. Then, his eyes wandered and he saw two bodies not too far into the distance. He restrained himself from yelling or panicking, and only looked away.  
  
"What happened here?" he asked, his voice barely beyond a whisper.  
  
"If everything went right, I assume that you have killed Rika, who on the other hand, has killed her sister Arai," explained Muraki shortly, "and Tsuzuki-san has been captured, so he will not interrupt."  
  
"I... did what?" His voice was more hysterical now, and disbelieving.  
  
The doctor approached him and caught Hisoka's hands in his own. The boy almost jumped away, but the hands were holding him strongly. Besides, he was too shocked to properly use his forces.  
  
"I guess it's kinda bad news for you, since you really liked them. You were almost friends, and, undoubtedly something more. Well, I'm sad too, because it was fun. All the time we spent together. I enjoyed the moments with those ladies, but, those with you I liked more. Those nights we were together..." he leaned forward, but Hisoka desperately tried to get away.  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" he cried out, with tears already streaming down his cheeks. "Just what do you mean?!"  
  
"Muraki, stop right there!" yelled Tsuzuki furiously. As he watched his partner's fear and suffer, he grew more and more outraged. But he couldn't escape this barrier, it was cast too strongly and an aura of evil power was flying in the air, precisely separating him from Hisoka.  
  
"Do you remember your dream? That one, which I almost let into your consciousness. That, when we were quite close..." the man already pinned him to the wall... there was no place to run away anymore.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"You surely wondered what it was. Maybe the future, you thought.... Oh, yes I can read your mind," he responded to an unasked question "Well, It wasn't the future... It was the PAST." Seeing that the boy was simply dumbfounded, he continued, "Yes, it happened. And those two women from your dream, they were Rika and Arai... because it involved the four of us."  
  
"I wouldn't... ever do... someth-" he protested, barely audible, trying to avoid Muraki's face, which was far too close.  
  
"If you say so. I assume there is no other way, but to let you see."  
  
Tsuzuki wanted to interrupt, but the mist along with the dust flowing from nowhere made him cough. The entire place was full of it, but the situation had some good sides, after all. The threads loosened and he ripped them away with a small effort. When the 'veil' finally faded away, the sight which it left wasn't very reassuring.  
  
Of Hisoka, Muraki and two girls, there was no sign. The apartment was clean, with no blood stains, and quiet. Then he heard a loud knocking, and he saw Watari along with Tatsumi running into the room.  
  
"Hey, we were scared, why did you lock the door?! I understand you wanted to look after Bon as he passed out, but we won't bite him! By the way, where is Bon?" Watari asked, his look turning slightly worried, as he saw Tsuzuki's shocked and helpless expression.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san, what's wrong?"  
  
"They're... gone. Oh God, they simply disappeared!" He fell on his knees and banged his fist in the floor.  
  
TBC.  
  
I hope you've enjoyed that! And don't be offended by what I do to Hisoka, believe me, I love him very much, but for the sake of angst he is going to experience much painful things from now on. Thank you for reading! 


	5. Chapter 5

**NOROWARETA TSUKI**

Chapter 5

_The cursed moon which had bound us forever... Can you see it? As beautiful as your eyes... This is your destiny, since the first time we met. The fate I brought to you._

_But for every destiny, there is an end..._

Tsuzuki stared blankly at his bedsheets, almost shinning in the moonlight. The moon was brightly pale and the darkness around only heightened its beauty.

He recalled the few nights spent with Hisoka in that bed, when he was lulled to sleep by his gentle whispering. His partner stayed with him all night, and with it, no nightmares ever came. He knew it was all he should want from Hisoka so he only asked for that. Even if this love was unrequited, it was the paradise itself.

He had to retrieve him, no matter what. Before this bastard would hurt him, and take him away. Hisoka was everything for him, and all he wanted was to be happy by his side. As a friend, as a partner, whatever, but with him.

Was it too much? Was it too much to long for happiness for the ones you love and for yourself?

No. So he would fight for it.

"You can ask whatever you want now. If you don't believe my answers, I'll show you them. What about that?"

Hisoka looked at him blankly. "I don't want to see...anymore."

Muraki shrugged but the broken voice pleased him a lot. The doll wasn't crying or yelling anymore, but it could still bring fun. It wasn't totally broken yet, so he decided to stimulate doses of painful news so he could enjoy it more.

"Those voices I heard... were they Rika's or Arai's?" he slowly asked, maybe deciding to know more. No, it couldn't be. He wanted no more answers, no more facts that would crush him.

"Both. I let them suspect that something bad was happening to them in order to lose their stability and self-confidence. They were slowly, very slowly going mad. Short flashbacks, cut remembrances and the surreality of it all frightened them. So when they vaguely recognized you, they tried to get help from you, seeing a chance in it." He explained, managing to make it look as if the boy failed in helping them, and lost the chance to rescue by his own fault.

Hisoka muffled his face in the red pillow he was embracing since few minutes and let out a little moan. "But what was the meaning of them calling I'm the one ?" he asked

Muraki mocked with little irritation. "Ah, it was Arai imagining that she was better than you. After some time she really got quite obsessed on that case and became jealous, though I told her not to do so."

"But I still don't get the case of sending Rika to lunatic asylum." He said tiredly, closing his eyes, aware that Muraki still watched him with amusement. But he didn't care anymore. It wasn't important. Now nothing was important.

"Well, unfortunately, I couldn't control her completely, and I still wonder why. She started to recall the things she shouldn't and she asked her sister about her doubts, which wasn't a clever move. Arai was always an obedient girl, so she reported to me everything she heard from her sister when she was in her normal self. I decided that I should make steps to get rid of her if there was such a need. But you helped me with better resolution." He smirked, seeing Hisoka's pain when he mentioned that.

"I want to go back to Tsuzuki."

"That is your own decision," said the doctor.

"I think so. I don't know who I am... maybe there isn't a me anymore... Because you really made me into a creation..." he stammered, getting up.

"You always were. So, what are you planning to do?"

"I guess I'll say goodbye..."

"Damn it!" shouted Watari.

"Still didn't find anything?" asked Tatsumi with a sigh. He turned back to see the chair which was occupied by Tsuzuki, sitting, unmoving for about a half an hour. He stared at the floor and waited for the results of the investigation. When the obvious answer told him that nothing was found, he only hid his face in his hands, but remained quiet.

Then, a gentle knock was heard and someone entered the room.

"Hi," Hisoka said in his usual tone.

Tsuzuki immediately stood up and almost crushed his partner in a tight embrace. The boy didn't hug him back, but Tsuzuki didn't care; He was back and it was all that mattered.

Then, from the corner of his eye, he noticed Muraki standing few steps behind Hisoka.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he yelled, embracing Hisoka harder, more protectively. Watari and Tatsumi approached them, ready to hurt the doctor if he would take any step closer.

"I accompanied him. Not as if he'd want me to, but I can decide for myself," he said and after that, he reached for Hisoka's hand, enclosing it in his own. Tsuzuki only tightened his hug.

"Let go. Both of you."

Tsuzuki, strongly shocked, obeyed by impulse. Hisoka did not avoid the eye contact, and the man gasped seeing the empty but also pained look of his emerald eyes. They were so horribly lifeless, as if their owner didn't care for his life nor for his death.

"What did you do to him?!" hissed Tsuzuki, feeling anger growing in him.

"Something you can't even imagine of," he replied with a smirk. Now he neared Hisoka's hand to his lips, twisting it in a painful way.

"It hurts," the boy quietly communicated, and Muraki let go of his hand, grinning.

"So little life in him, don't you think?"

Tatsumi frowned and clenched his fists, doing a great effort to restrain himself from blowing doctor's head away. Watari seemed to have the same problem. Tsuzuki, on his side, hesitated to make any move.

"Tsuzuki...I'd like to talk with you," Hisoka suddenly said in more vivid voice, still very quiet and pained, but with definitely more life in it. It was a good sign after all.

"Of course," he replied eagerly, and, holding Hisoka by his hand, he quickly left the room, dragging the boy behind him and only giving his friends a meaningful look. He gnashed his teeth when he met Muraki's malicious glance and managed to express in his eyes as much hatred as he could.

Walking through the street, Tsuzuki never let go of his partner's hand, though he didn't return the grasp. They didn't talk either, because the man was really lost in what he could say. He just looked helplessly at Hisoka's expression, which showed clearly nothing at all. It was a perfect example of total lack of anything; as empty gaze as you could ever imagine.

"You're not going to forgive me," the boy spoke quietly, obviously to Tsuzuki but as if he didn't care about being heard. That simple statement astonished Tsuzuki.

"You know that I would always forgive you..." he gently denied.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because I will not forgive myself."

They sat in his apartment and Tsuzuki did his best in not recalling all the events that happened here. The gentle and reassuring smile plastered to his face almost burnt him, because he wasn't feeling like grinning or being gentle. He wanted to burn something, hit everything in sight (apart from Hisoka of course), butcher Muraki and then burst out with tears and cry; But in the first place he would give anything to know how to help Hisoka. What to say, what to do, how to embrace him or so...

But he didn't look like he needed it. Maybe he only didn't show it, but he was hurt by everything that happened and by whatever Muraki did to him; Any touch could be painful, even a loving one. And most of all, Tsuzuki didn't intend to harm him. As fragile as he was, now he had to be in pieces.

"Hisoka, what can I do for you?" It wasn't the best question but he decided to make some steps forward. They had to do something, because just agonizing like that could bring only more pain.

"Just listen to me. I am aware of how painful it will be for you, but listen nonetheless. I need to... tell someone... everything," he said still calmly but his voice began to break and his slender frame was slightly trembling.

Tsuzuki reached to embrace him lightly but his arms were gently but firmly pushed away.

"Don't make it harder, please. I already have serious difficulty just looking into your eyes. I just... loved you so much and I had to screw it all up! I have done so many terrible things that I don't even have a right to say that I love you! And it's all because of him! I just wonder... why did he want to destroy me that much? What did I do to be hated that much...?"

Tsuzuki didn't have any words at it. All he could do, was simply sit, be there for him and listen to the story, from the beginning until now.

And try not to break.

TBC.

I know I'm so mean to Hisoka and Tsuzuki but as a sadist and lover of angst I just have to. I hope you're not offended by that. looks ashamed

Some things got resolved and I plan to explain everything in the next chapter, although the story of course doesn't end on the explanation...

Long live angst and to the next part!


	6. Chapter 6

Warning: If you expect sap, run away while you still can. If you seek angst, more angst and torture, you'll get a lot of them here.   
NOROWARETA TSUKI 

Chapter 6

Hisoka sighed lightly, cleared his throat and started, knowing that it was now or never. Tsuzuki had every right to know the truth, even if it would be the most painful of all. He needed to explain the reason of the decision he made, because leaving it without a word would crush Tsuzuki's heart.

It would probably do it either way, but there was no other way out. Every solution was bad but he had to pick up one. And he decided what was the best for him.

"Do you remember when I told you I sensed that those girls were sisters? I'm sorry… Because I lied." He began hesitantly. This wasn't the most important fact, but he still couldn't find enough strength to say all of it. He felt he was trembling, falling apart to pieces…

To such little pieces…

"Oh. I-It's okay." Reassured Tsuzuki anxiously „But then how did you know that?"

"I wasn't aware of it, but when we met them together in the candy shop… It wasn't the first time I met them. I knew them… very.. closely… before" he stammered, averting his eyes. He blinked off few tears and managed to continue.

"Closely..?" repeated Tsuzuki, quite lost. Hisoka hoped he would understand, but it seemed that everything should have been explained literally.

"I..I… Well, let's leave this for a moment. The other important case is… that I didn't know all about the curse Muraki had placed upon me. No one could really know, since he improved it a little, for it to be suitable for his.. needs. I thought that the curse's full impact was my pain and then my death, but it's not quite right. I was under its effect all the time; It was eating me up even as a Shinigami. He was around me few times, I think he might have "refreshed" it somehow. Or maybe it wasn't necessary, since this curse surpassed death… "

Tsuzuki clenched his fists, in obvious anger and hatred for the doctor.

It will crush him, thought Hisoka. My God, it will destroy Tsuzuki. Like it ruined me.

"The final point of his spell, was taking control over the marked person. Control over mind, body, free will; making a real doll. He was always saying that I was his favorite marionette. Thus he got what he wanted." Uttered Hisoka, trembling harder. He had to be strong, just for a moment longer.

Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes widened in disbelief. Although this disbelief was already covered with terrifying realization, with pure fear. This couldn't be possible, but it happened nonetheless.

"He took control over me for the first time about two months ago. He fed the curse with my weaknesses, fears, hatred and all unpleasant emotions, and soon he could develop the spell. Then he could play with my mind, make me do anything, do everything…" he stopped, catching his breath. And then all barriers were over, he burst out with tears.

"I did anything he told me to… I think now you understand, Tsuzuki? I did everything, and you know what it involves…" he sobbed "Then he captured Arai and Rika, both under his spell… They were full of deep grief, thus he could easily take control over them. He said only I was so hard to get…"

Tsuzuki hid his face in his face and stayed unmoving.

"He toyed with their minds and mine as well, he gave us various memories, dreams… only to watch us going mad, step by step. And in the nights, he kept on visiting us, telling us to do horrible and defiling things… " he trailed off, as his voice seemed not to want to come out anymore. He only bit his lip and let the silent tears flow freely.

Thousands thoughts were running blindly through Tsuzuki's mind, crushing, denying, longing for it not to be true. But even if his pained heart was almost yelling "It can't be!", he was slowly becoming aware, that it was far too real. More, _he_ let this happen.

_How could I be so blind?_, he asked himself desperately, feeling hot tears streaming down his cheeks, _How could I not save him? _

"Don't blame yourself," spoke Hisoka mildly. Tsuzuki understood he was too "loud" with his thoughts, and that his partner probably felt all his anguished emotions and guilt. He again scolded himself, and shook his head.

"How can I not, Hisoka? Perhaps there was something I-" he began, but his partner interrupted him.

"No, there wasn't anything you could do, because it'd happen either way. I came to think I'm just destined to that or something" He said, shrugging, with a bitter half-smile.

"You're wrong! It wasn't meant to happen, for sure, no one is supposed to bear so much pain! It had be a mistake I made, it-" Tsuzuki cried helplessly, but Hisoka again stopped his words

"Then what about you? No one is supposed, huh? You've endured much suffering and you do know very well, how unfair the life is! So don't say everyone is meant to be happy. Because I could hope for that, when I had been with you, but now someone up there reminded me that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't gain what I wanted." The boy burst out, quickly, and some of his words were only half-spoken because his voice didn't seem to stop shaking.

Hisoka wanted badly to at least keep appearances and look strong, to soothe Tsuzuki's pain, but his voice still kept trembling from unbearable suffering and all unshed tears he hadn't got enough strength to cry out.

Besides, some things don't fit in words or tears. They are too great, too important or too horrible to simply be told or cried out.

"What do you think you're doing?" hissed Tatsumi as Muraki simply waited until Hisoka and Tsuzuki would leave, and then entered the room, found a chair and sat down, with a satisfied smirk.

Watari looked pissed off, and Tatsumi did too, he was only too calm and collected by nature to show it so obviously. But now they didn't intend to butcher the doctor right away, since he could provide some useful information about what his twisted, freaky mind plotted and then did to Hisoka. Perhaps if Muraki would tell something, it could help with fixing the situation.

"What have you done to him?" asked Tatsumi, with an audible threat.

"Nothing that he didn't want to," Muraki replied and chuckled slightly, his lips curving into another infamous grin of his.

Tatsumi took a deep breath, desperately trying to calm down, which wasn't a really easy task, especially since all he wanted at the moment was cutting this man's throat or tearing him apart, very slowly so he could feel the pain radiating from every point of his body.

"Bullshit," snarled Watari angrily and glared daggers at the doctor, who seemed rather amused at this action, not irritated at all. "So why does he look like he'd gone through hell? Better tell now everything, do we won't have to force you."

Watari knew that Muraki was there only because Hisoka took him. An average mortal couldn't simply sit and chat in Meifu, but calling Muraki a normal, random human would be a huge misunderstanding. Watari absent-mindedly rubbed his temples and wondered why Bon was accompanied by his tormentor and didn't argue with that.

But again, when Tsuzuki told them about what happened, and how strangely Bon acted, the fact of him being 'walked home' by Muraki wasn't the oddest of all.

"Speak, Muraki. What have you done to Kurosaki-kun?" asked Tatsumi, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"NoroTsuki, gentlemen. It's just NoroTsuki." The man grinned and added, "Take it as you want." The next thing he did, much to their rather great shock, was disappearing. Right there, in front of them.

"H-How the hell did he do it! It's not possible, at least _he_ can't do it _here_!" spluttered Watari with wide eyes.

"But he did none the less. Now we should just find him quickly, before he'll do something unwanted." Hissed Tatsumi, looking everything but not calm and confident, like always.

"What are we going to do now, Hisoka? I just don't know what to say or do. This is… too much. For you, for me." Said Tsuzuki, still hiding his face away in his hands. "So what are we going to do, then?"

Hisoka's heart clutched painfully, because there was the moment he had to explain his mind. Flickering images of his newly regained memories, of bodies glistening in the twilight, of gasps and then of blood, of his own hands killing Rika, who was merely another victim of Muraki….

He shed the blood of an innocent girl, his mind wasn't only his anymore and he truly turned into a marionette sometimes.

But most of all, he betrayed Tsuzuki and he voluntarily let this man's hands wander through his body, let him take him over and over as much as he pleased.

A sudden wave of self-disgust smashed him again, and it surprisingly helped him with gathering his common-sense and more or less, his fake calm.

"I know the good solution. The very good solution." He said, then repeated it, as if convincing himself that it really was good.

And exactly when he opened his mouth to start speaking, one of the walls of the apartment exploded. Stepping out of the ashes, Muraki adjusted his glasses and bowed his head, obviously ironical in this gesture of respect.

Tsuzuki took only one look at him, and his eyes narrowed to slits, then he stood up, walked past Hisoka and glared right in the doctor's eyes.

"I will kill him." He quietly stated, restraining his voice from shaking badly. He hastily sent at Muraki some uncontrolled, simple blast of power and prepared to summon his shikigamis.

"STOP IT!" suddenly yelled Hisoka.

Tsuzuki turned his head to face his partner, who approached him and grasped his hand briefly as if he couldn't manage to touch him. Hisoka was pale and deadly serious as he took few steps and stood between Tsuzuki and Muraki, right in a half-way from each of them.

"You can't kill him. I'm sorry but I won't let you do it, Tsuzuki." He said in a low voice, and his partner started to wonder if it was really Hisoka. But when he looked deep into those intense emerald eyes, he realized that it was undoubtedly him.

"But I don't understand… I must, I want to kill him for what he did… Why can't I?" he asked helplessly, not getting any reasonable idea.

So Hisoka answered him, more in a whisper than anything else, and it fitted very good. Because it seemed to be the most adequate voice for him now- only a broken whisper.

"You can't kill him, because he promised he'd kill me." He said.

TBC.

Big thanks to Muraki-chan, who really helped me with writing Muraki's lines. I mean, her _face_ was very helpful. You see, when she wants to, she can imitate Muraki's smirk and gaze, and she looks exactly like him. Not that she resembles him much, but her facial expression… and attitude as well as words… It's pretty creepy. It happens mostly when we watch too many YnM episodes at once…

Big thanks, hugs, and kisses to everyone who reviewed.


	7. Chapter 7

No warnings, no disclaimers- everyone knows that YnM is not mine. 

NOROWARETA TSUKI

Chapter 7

Tsuzuki let go of a short, uneasy laugh and shook his head in disbelief. Hisoka only averted his eyes and took few steps back, heading to Muraki, who watched them in obvious amusement.

"What did you say?" asked Tsuzuki, in a small voice, his eyes were almost pleading for someone, anyone to deny what he had heard. "Why would that be? Why would you ask him to kill you?"

"I'll leave you alone for this touching conversation," exclaimed Muraki, and vanished. Neither of the Shinigami shown any interest or surprise to his sudden disappearance.

Hisoka used all his remaining force to restrain from crying. He really couldn't find anything more suitable to do but crying, screaming and acting like a total child. He'd have eagerly kick, yell, destroy something and weep until he would be out of breath. Some time ago he'd have added to that list finding comfort in his partner's arms, but now it was out of question. He felt too much disgust towards himself to touch anyone.

Perhaps Tsuzuki was just a sweet dream, and he just had gone mad a long time ago, and had hallucinations. Tsuzuki would disappear, fading away along with his last chance to be happy and loved. Oh well, it's been always that way.

A demon child… who does not have any right to be cared for.

One part of his mind told him he was now banishing this chance with his own will, and he could forget, go back to Tsuzuki and try to live in a happy fairy tale. The prince saved the princess, the bad dragon was killed and so they lived merrily from now on, the end. Tsuzuki would surely forgive him.

The second part of his mind denied it all and just spoke the truth. No matter what, Hisoka would never forget nor forgive himself. Never believe again. He had hated himself too much for that.

He was aware that his death would leave Tsuzuki utterly broken. The man wouldn't be ever able to move on after that and of course Hisoka didn't plan to do that to him. If there wasn't any other way, he would live for Tsuzuki, even in unbearable self-hatred.

But there was other way.

"They have to be in Tsuzuki's apartment," muttered Tatsumi, violently pushing the door, and he almost ran into Muraki, who stood there, presenting his undying charming smile.

"Hello. I hope you'll forgive me my previous rude vanishing without proper farewell," he said, observing their faces with a chuckle. He assumed it was an extremely good day.

"By the way, I wonder how did you do that," asked Watari with a curious blink in his eye, as he felt relieved that the doctor wasn't bothering his friends. They were safe with each other.

"Hisoka taught me and was so nice to borrow me some of his power in order for me to be able to vanish, be here in Meifu, and do many interesting tricks." He explained, looking around.

"Do you suppose we'll believe that?" snickered Watari, and Muraki merely nodded to his words. "You controlled him, or what?"

"Nah," he uttered "He did it voluntarily. But of course he wanted something in exchange from me."

"Like what?" frowned Tatsumi.

Muraki was now paying much of his attention to the view behind the window, but answered quickly, sounding very pleased.

"He asked me to kill him, for example. But not only that."

The sky outside started to darken slightly, preparing for the night to reign over it. It was surely getting chillier, but even inside the office the air seemed to froze. The three men exchanged glances.

"What..?" asked Watari uneasily, with very wide eyes and astonishment written all over his face.

"But not only that…" repeated the doctor to one in particular, slowly holding out his hand.

"Hisoka," began Tsuzuki desperately " Don't blame yourself for that. It's his fault alone and you couldn-,"

"Hush." Whispered Hisoka quietly and approached the man slowly, with a faint smile. Standing in a very small distance from the man, he raised his hand and his fingers softly caressed Tsuzuki's lips.

"This is the only kiss I can give you." He said, and the comprehending suddenly struck his partner's head. This statement's meaning was clear: it was a last goodbye.

_No. Deny it. Say it's not true. _

Tsuzuki's sight suddenly went blur and unclear, and he felt his arms and legs going limp.. he felt disturbingly light and weightless. The last thing he noticed before falling into a dark unconsciousness was Hisoka's painful face with a bitter smile on it.

Hisoka was looking blankly at three men laying on the floor. They looked peaceful, but he knew they were probably having some nightmares, drowning in a hard, heavy slumber.. But that wouldn't last long, only until the doctor finished all the preparations and then everything was ready.

That sentence resounded in the boy's head like the final, like something from what there was no turning back, none at all. And of course it was indeed so, after all you can't reshape anything.

And what they were going to do, was not to reshape the past events, it was only to

reshape the convictions and memories. It wasn't all that difficult to do, he was an empath and besides, Muraki carried most of that.. he really wasn't eager to know the details, he only wanted for the result to come eventually…

He was fully aware he was to hurt them in a way. Because he'd take away from them some of very important memories. But there was no other way; they surely wouldn't accept the fact that he's gone away. And he didn't want to hurt them, he couldn't allow Tsuzuki suffer anymore. It would be difficult, because the man still would be without proper support, but that was a price that needed to be paid.

He cast a glance at Muraki- at first he found it strange that the doctor was helping him, but well, he must have had his own expectations of that. Maybe he just liked doing evil. Maybe he intended to get Tsuzuki after all of that. If that was so, then too bad for him, because he was not going to get that. Hisoka half-smirked.

_Are you sure?_

Yes.

_They'll not remember you, he will forget._

That's what I want.

_Bullshit._

I know it's a bullshit. But he has to forget about me.

_You don't have to die. _

No?

_It's only your decision that you want to run away._

Hisoka looked at his feet.

"I wanted to give him something more than life in constant pain. I think he deserves

something more than that." He said to no one in particular.

"Ready?" asked Muraki, approaching him with an unreadable expression.

"..yes"

TBC.

A cliffhanger. Yes, I know I suck. And my grammar sucks. But anyway, please review, flames keep me warm.

Oh, and if something is wrong with the spaces and stuff, I'm sorry but my Word Editor is being nasty nowadays.


	8. Chapter 8

**NOROWARETA TSUKI**

_Chapter 8_

Hisoka was looking out the window and trying not to watch Muraki's last preparations. It was like some surreal resemblance of Watari making his potions in the lab.

The doctor told him, that it wasn't so hard to erase someone from other people's memories, of course if one knew some tricks and special ways to do it. He seemed to be awfully familiar with such things.

Details about potions, reversing, erasing were swirling and mixing inside Hisoka's head and he just wanted to block them off once for all, and then to fall asleep, because he was feeling so horribly tired..

Words spoken back then in Touda's flames struck him hard and he franticly tried to make them vanish, he didn't need to recall them right at the moment, the promise he had made..

The promise he was about to run away from…

Yes, it was definitely a runaway, but he couldn't cope with keeping it, he really wasn't able to. Besides, Tsuzuki's wouldn't remember that vow.

His partner would find someone else to protect and support him, he wouldn't be alone.

But, he wouldn't have a single recollection of the fact that he had again believed he was a human, with a right to find happiness. That there was someone who cared so much that he couldn't find words to express it.

_How can I say that I care, if I'm leaving him now?_

But each part of his body, every piece of his skin felt and were defiled, dirty and utterly soiled.. he couldn't be the person Tsuzuki needed, he deserved something more.

_I don't want it to be out of pity. I don't want him to stay only because he pities me._

But on the other hand, the amethyst-eyed man told him he wanted to stay with him, of all people, wasn't there any meaning to it?

But I was just a random person who forced him not to give up, a last anchor. Anyone would have been good.

Anyone would have been good.

Liar, How many times I sensed how much he cared, how he wanted to stay with me forever, exactly with me because I was myself and he was himself and together..

_..it was good._

Was it friendship?

Was it some kind of a family bond?

Was it love?

How could he wrap in words that tie, red like flowing blood and like love, the stifling emotion filling him when they were apart and all of the small things that assured it was something great?

But I can't find the power to fight it off.. fears, pain and degradation are too strong and overwhelming.. I'd love to stay with him.. but I can't hang on anymore. I can't live on with what I've done.

"Boy, do you hear me?" the doctor asked with irritation "Come here."

Hisoka gave him a hateful look but nodded.

That was the very bottom. He was doing what Muraki told him to, he was literally on his mercy.

"And what about others? What will you do with Konoe-san, Yuma, Saya, Terazuma..? They remember me as well." He pointed out, partly because he wanted to delay the

whole thing.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Now help me, Tsuzuki-san has to drink that potion first."

Hisoka glared at the bottle and made no move as I he was suddenly paralyzed.

That flood of memories flew over his mind again, tons of image of him and Tsuzuki, their smiles, their tears, all of that was to be erased, completely washed off.

"Hurry up, they'll wake up soon. That spell is not boundless, they tried to block it too strongly and thus its effect has been weakened a little."

Hisoka felt tears trailing down his face, but he didn't care. There was no need for him to be strong, for whose sake?

"Boy, stop that and hurry up or else I'll pour that into his mouth personally, which version do you like better? I think you want to dramatize a bit more, so do it yourself."

The doctor grabbed his arm violently, dragging him to the bed Tsuzuki was lying on.

Hisoka took the bottle, opened I and leaned down, gently raising his partner's head and exactly as he said: "Goodbye"

…Tsuzuki opened his eyes and looked at him quizzically.

"What are you doing, Hisoka?"

…drop….

_The way you look at me._

_The way you say my name._

_Damn you!_

_I can't do it, idiot._

As Hisoka raised the bottle to crush it against the floor, Muraki stopped him and held his wrist painfully, then he tore out the potion from the boy's hand.

"I should have known it," he stated simply, in a coldly mocking voice "Damn brat."

A sudden realization flashed through Tsuzuki's mind and he stood up yelling "NO!", but Muraki was faster. He violently crushed the fragile bottle against Hisoka's face and the boy screamed horribly. He covered his face with his hands and kept on screaming and making stifling noises.

Tsuzuki only once looked at his partner, and then he turned all his attention to Muraki, with wild fury radiating from his eyes, and he was shaking from anger he could no more control. Meanwhile, the doctor was only smirking.

"Now I'm _so_ gonna wipe that smirk of yours off." He hissed.

Hisoka's sight was terribly blurred and vague, so he didn't see the sight before him, and his head hurt a lot, he was feeling dizzy and strangely weak.

Really.. dizzy…

Tsuzuki sighed but smile to Wakaba who was heading towards the bed he was partly sitting on, holding Hisoka's hand.

"How is he?" she asked anxiously.

"He's only passed out. And maybe the fire hurt him somewhere a little bit. But every wound will heal themselves, his face is already cured." He said with an echo of guilt in his voice. "But it's really nothing compared to what might have been. And the bastard is gone for good."

The boy's eyelids fluttered slightly and soon he was blinking in surprise, acknowledging the presence of the two people before him.

"Er.. Hello?" he offered, sounding more than a bit perplexed, looking down at his hand which was held tightly by the brunette. "Where am I?"

"Well, you were kind of hurt during the last accident with Muraki.." said Tsuzuki uneasily, but Hisoka interrupted him with an expression of 'What do you mean?':

"With who? Maybe instead of telling me about some strange stuff you'd explain me why my head aches like a bitch, I feel like vomiting my lungs out and everything around swirls like mad, including you.. er.. mister..?"

Wakaba gasped and Tsuzuki stared at him in horror.

"You had to drink some of it.. when it splashed into your face, you were screaming and some of the liquid had to flow into your throat.. that's why you sounded like you're stifling.. but.. oh my God." Tsuzuki cut abruptly, as another thing occurred to him.

Hisoka was looking at him with perplexed expression, but he obviously was in pain, he looked like he was about to have an attack of some kind or something alike.

".. but it was meant to erase YOUR existence.. and yet you drank it personally.. I mean.. is it going to erase you from your own mind..?" Tsuzuki ended weakly with tremendous eyes, and his heart fluttered painfully.

TBC.

Sorry for the cliffhanger! And please review, it makes me sooo happy:)


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you for the reviews! 

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Youko Matsushita.

**NOROWARETA TSUKI **

_Chapter 9 _

It could have been worse, of course it could. But for Tsuzuki, it seemed like hell, like a bottom of a deep, very deep hole where you're sitting helplessly and even if you see the light above, you can't reach it.

Exactly. He was able to see Hisoka all the time, whenever he wanted, but they' had parted even if they were together. If his partner no longer was perceiving him, if Tsuzuki was neither in the world of his memories, or whatever reality he had at the moment, it meant that they were truly separated.

The potion had a strong impact on Hisoka, and it was slowly becoming more and more obvious that its effect was irreversible. The teen appeared to be in some kind of a catatonic state, completely limp and with blank stare, he didn't see, didn't speak and it was not sure whether he could hear anything.

But as for Tsuzuki, he has clung to that possible hope and thus, he kept on talking with Hisoka. After few days of just sitting and crying, he used all of his strength to make some decision. He had to do something, and it would work or it would not.

If it would not, another decision was bound to come..

But still, he kept on talking, sometimes bubbling, sometimes it was more serious, as if ignoring the fact that his latter half was not answering. Deep inside, he was thinking that it was useless, but it was covered in a thin veil of hope so he could go on.

Watari was more depressed than he admitted. The sight of the cheerful façade on Tsuzuki's face, as he was going to visit Hisoka was unbearable. Because, being more rational, and not blinded by the despair that could be only denied and not accepted, he has given up the hope. It was half a year, six months, and Bon still was in that strange, semi-catatonic state.

Besides, his knowledge of potions was surely bigger than Tsuzuki's and he had come across that kind of potion earlier. There were few cases when someone drank the liquid made to erase himself; it wasn't anything new for someone who was interested in researches.

The victims had never recovered.

Tatsumi as well was hiding well his feelings. He hated to see his former partner suffer, but that agony hidden under a cheerful mask was worse than open fury and visible pain. Tatsumi felt terribly about Hisoka, too. They had developed a bond, partly connected with work-life and partly based on their common care for Tsuzuki. It was an unusual agreement and a tie of their own, so no one was really aware of its deepness. Strangely, they had grown it almost without significant words.

But now, that lifeless shell was no longer holding the person he had known. Or maybe it was sealed too deeply inside to reach it.

What happened to his soul anyway? Tatsumi felt an unpleasant shiver and once again blocked out that thought.

The only plus was that this freaky bastard was no longer a physical problem. Tsuzuki couldn't hold his fury and after Hisoka passed put, he burst for real, not even trying to stop himself. At least as long as Hisoka was safe.

It seemed that it was the only death Tsuzuki caused that didn't make him feel guilty.

Of course the accident was covered a little, everyone took care of it. Normally, it'd bring some consequences- and "innocent" mortal had died after all. But if it was for Tsuzuki and Muraki, two exceptions although in drastically different ways, it could be let go of. Like, no witnesses, no proofs. The matter of that two poor girls, Arai and Rika, was covered as well.

Needless to say, Hakushaku was eager to overlook those cases by chance, since he didn't want any more problems for Tsuzuki.

When was it going to end? This stifling nightmare which everyone seemed to deny and push away instead of accepting..

But Tatsumi knew it was something that simply couldn't be accepted.

Yuma quietly stepped inside the room and sighed inwardly at the sight of Tsuzuki dialogue with Hisoka, which was, frankly speaking, a monologue. She took a deep breath and approached the bed he was sitting on.

"Tsuzuki…" she said gently and laid her hand on his shoulder. He gave her a positive smile, surely not aware of how forced it looked. She decided not to play hide-and-seek and just blurted out, but it was just her way, simply stating facts and settling the truth.

"When are you going to let him go?" she asked with a serious look and the brunette winced. "And don't try to run away from me today. Just tell me, what do you expect?"

"I believe that he's going to wake up." He answered, with his eyes focused on the figure before him. Hisoka looked beautiful, like a sleeping angel, but his eyes were closed, closed, closed.

"No, you only want to believe." She retorted.

"What's wrong with that?" he uttered with mild annoyance. How many conversations like this one had he had already? They couldn't face the simple fact- he'd wait for him even if that was the rest of his so-called life and that's all, no buts.

"Well.. in particular.. it's not wrong. I should tell you that it's necessary to move on and live for the sake of the ones who need you and blah blah blah, shouldn't I? Damn, I understand that you can't exist without him, right? But.. man, I don't know what to say. I've made a really pretty speech and stuff, but you see, it's not possible. The only fact that remains is that he won't wake up, Tsuzuki, nor we're going to accept it. And it's not only you, everyone stays in that state, trying to stop the time. Because as the time passes, it becomes more obvious and harsh."

Tsuzuki bit on his lip and subconsciously reached to hold his partner's hand. How he wanted this crooked fairy tale to have a happy ending, with lots of sugar and happy ever-afters for everyone. Wasn't there anything?

"Tsuzuki.. it's been almost two years.. Here in Meifu he was examined and we always ignored the advices and statements 'He won't make it' and alike. We can't go on like this, you can't go on. I'm not telling you to accept it.. I'm just no longer sure of anything.. but some decisions need to be made." She whispered and heard that the man was already crying, for the first time since many months.. He has been so embedded in the despair that he forgot how to shed tears. And in Tsuzuki's case it was the most horrible.

"What are you asking me for?" he asked, but Yuma only gave in and shook her head helplessly, disappointed with herself and with that conversation which turned into something it was not supposed to. 'I don't know anymore' was written in her gestures.

But Tsuzuki already knew.

TBC.

This story is full of bad cliffhangers. Please, forgive me!

I'm in good mood for writing angsty fics though, all depressed and confused, so I should write the next (last) part soon. This part was going to be the last one, but somehow, the story ignored me again :)

Please leave a review! Thank you.


	10. Chapter 10

Here comes the last chapter. Really, the amount of angst is almost unhealthy. Or maybe I'm exaggerating. Ah well, anyway please read and review And big thanks for those who've been reading it since the beginning, Eliza Hime, Sapphire Dragon, YYY-chan :), yaoi-hunter. Also thanks for the other reviewers 

**Disclaimer: **Yami no Matsuei isn't mine. The song, "Kowareteiku Kono Sekai De" belongs to Pierrot, and translation of it to centigrade-j.

_

* * *

douka semete onaji aozameta tsuki no shita de waratteite  
modoru koto ha dekinai kara  
dakara semete onaji kowareteiku kono sekai de waratteite  
nani hitotsu mo akiramete ha inai kara _

_(at least please smile under the same pale moon  
because we can't go back  
so at least please smile in the same world falling apart  
because I haven't given up on anything just yet)  
_

* * *

NOROWARETA TSUKI 

-The Cursed Moon-

Chapter 10

Tsuzuki had decided to make a note, or more properly, write a letter but the more he tried the more pathetic or grotesque became his scribbling. With an annoyed sigh he put aside the pen and hoped that they would understand. Which was kind of a silly thing to believe in because it was more than sure that they wouldn't completely understand. But on the other hand maybe they would at least forgive him.

Feeling that his track of thoughts was already somewhat nervous and hysterical he came to a conclusion that at the time he was definitely feeling better without thinking at all. There wasn't any sense in repeating and musing over something that had been already decided.

He turned back and quickly looked around all over the place. Nothing was left undone, the room had a peaceful, and seemingly soothing atmosphere. Quite unnerving; at least in such moment he would have preferred something more depressing, like grey walls and a place with a little claustrophobic feeling to it. But as they say, we can't have everything.

The last glance was reserved for a bed with white sheets surrounding the skin that matched perfectly. Tsuzuki tried to think of that as an angelic picture, but the voice of common sense was telling him that it was indeed just an image of a sick person in the hospital bed. He had been seeing this for the longest time and for a moment he imagined how it would look like afterwards. Certainly…burnt.

The man slowly stood up from the chair and inhaled deeply few times trying to stop a bitter smile that was forcing its way to his lips. When it came to solving the problems, of course what was a coward to do other than have someone to do it for him. Last time Touda was almost successful and besides, it was all so convenient.

He hoped that Hisoka wouldn't have been angry for burning his body. Maybe he would even scold him, somewhere, some day in the place beyond time.

With a snicker he cut the nostalgic mood he was partly falling in, thinking that this was unusual. A normal thing for him was letting it go, allowing himself such melancholic, sweet dreams. Wasn't it bad sign when he was becoming sarcastic, really.

* * *

Kannuki frowned and held the lunch-box tighter to her chest. Something was wrong, and she couldn't fight that vague impression. Behind her back, Terazuma was muffling some noises of irritation, which were partly faked. He just didn't like those visits, because they were too pesky. Like scratching the wound over and over; and he wasn't unhurt as well. 

"Is it me, or you feel something as well?" she asked in a concerned voice. She sniffed at the air a little, and in every other situation he would call it funny. Of course, inwardly. He inhaled sharply and a faint smell of something familiar lingered in his nose yet he couldn't recognize it. With each step it was getting stronger and suddenly the realization struck them.

It was fire, but with no suffocating smoke that usually followed, it was that special, almost clean and elegant kind of fire. With dancing flames that put everything aglow, with overwhelming feeling of a rite rather than a disaster.

They rushed and rushed and funnily few meters seemed like a endless road.

* * *

According to Tsuzuki's wish, only that one room was the to be set on fire. Of course it would soon spread but more slowly than this place and he hoped that they'd discover it quickly because he didn't necessarily want to burn everything. Half-heartedly he tried to worry, but he knew that it was almost empty; the hospital had only three other "guests" in various states of illnesses caused by magic. It was a quiet, discreet place and Tsuzuki had no questions. It was good enough to know that Tatsumi had known this place (really, was there a place in Meifu he didn't know about?). 

It was less good that previously there were more people who have been vanishing discreetly; they came and disappeared quietly.

He felt the hot air behind his back, so close that it was almost strange that he wasn't burning. That's when he decided to be with Hisoka; even if that was only the empty body it was enough to keep appearances of closeness of his partner.

A second after that, a brush of fingers tickled his neck and he turned back violently. If that was a joke then it was a bad one. If that was a daydream then he didn't mind.

But since when your daydreams throw their arms around your neck and they cling to you, as you're painfully aware of them as well as of the ache inside your chest, caused by the unbearable air..?

In a blink of an eye, Tsuzuki bit back the questions and only blindly kissed Hisoka's hair. If that was real, they had to go away and then think. The story repeats itself, he thought and only said aloud:

"But you were there…"

Hisoka only smiled and answered something incomprehensibly. Not sure if that was an illusion or a gift sent by Gods, the brunette decided to enjoy it even if that was not true. Who cared, just who cared; perhaps his own mind put on a defense system of some kind and now was giving him hallucinations.

Tsuzuki didn't turn around to look at the bed, which probably was occupied by Hisoka's body and only held tighter whatever it was, a dream, a creation of his mind or just circled his arms around himself in a pathetic replica of a real embrace.

He was even able for a moment longer to ignore the pain in his back as he lazily stared at the floor. Hisoka was even dressed in that orange T-shirt and jeans he used to wear so often. In particular, the illusion even had really well reconstructed shoes, but one of them was loose as if he was dressing fast and forgot about the shoe-lace. He found it rather sweet.

But again, who cares, he thought in the end and his not quite conscious mind added dumbly:What a stupid thing to muse over in such moment:

And then there was darkness.

* * *

Watari looked at Kannuki tiredly and tried to fake a cheering smile but failed miserably. At least, it was not even proper so maybe he should not have even thought about doing so. He really wanted to get away but Kannuki was standing in the burnt room stubbornly as if waiting for someone who would never come. 

It was a strange sight though, the walls were covered in smoke, almost wholly black but the modest furniture was destroyed only partly. As if Tsuzuki in his "orders" cared even about that, as if he just wanted to keep appearances of the fire, intending only to damage two beings alone.

Not again, he moaned inwardly, a flood of anguish tearing him; he needed to get away from here, he needed much rest, because he was feeling too tired to think, too tired to even stand there and wait for her.

"I'm sorry Kannuki-chan, but I'm leaving, ok.? I'm not quite feeling good." He said and she gave him a small nod as an answer. Perhaps she needed to be alone as well, like everyone else. It wasn't true that they would find consolation together; for this night each one of them wanted to be alone. Even Yuma and Saya took single rooms which spoke louder than anything they could say.

Fighting off a strong presentiment which was more of a matter-of-fact statement- that it was merely the beginning, Watari left her alone.

Kannuki only barely noticed that, and continued her staring. It was not meant to have any sense but it did just nice in calming her a little. The fact that she wasn't weeping her eyes out by now was caused by the shock. As long as she didn't fully believe, she was safe and she desperately wanted to keep it that way.

To think that Tsuzuki really did it… even knowing his pain, she still was thinking it had been a little selfish.. for the ones that remained.

* * *

Tatsumi sank onto the sofa and closed his eyes. He felt oddly peaceful although he was fully aware that this mood would soon change into emptiness. 

Without any tears, without any yells, he was almost contended. It gave him a kind and completely fake feeling that he was coping. What a bullshit. That was certainly the last thing he was doing at the moment. He couldn't sort out his feelings or drown in the reminiscences or blame himself. Besides, he saw that coming.

A blow that he suspected to be strong, but it wasn't so strong. It just wiped off everything.

* * *

Yuma gently knocked on the door. The silence that followed told her that Saya might have been asleep. She tentatively raised her hand to knock again but stopped halfway, hearing a quiet sound of sobbing. It was skillfully subdued but still audible, at least for her. Yuma sighed and pushed the door, entering the room. 

"I've been waiting for you." Saya said between sobs and didn't turn her face from the blankets where it was buried. "Just sit here, please."

Her partner didn't respond but sat at the edge of the bed, settling herself into more comfortable position, and wondered if they would ever talk about it. Or if they would let it pass by in a silent agreement, Tatsumi, Watari, everyone. She guessed it would end at half-words, short sentences and sad looks but nothing more. Maybe saving their sadness for themselves was a good idea; she didn't know.

* * *

Kannuki snapped out of her half-trans and realized it was late already. She thought it'd be wise to come back, and slowly, slowly headed for the door. She halted when something caught her attention, white tiny strand of material which was somehow odd. She frowned because almost everything in there was black from the smoke. She knelt down and tossed it, only a while later realizing what it was. 

Now, strange, it wasn't Tsuzuki's and Hisoka had been in that not really pretty "hospital clothes", as she called it. Deciding that she would ponder it another day, she threw it away and left the room. A silent click that followed was the last sound and the room stayed quiet after that. Quiet, peaceful and dark like a deep slumber.

With smoke-covered walls, damaged furniture and the abandoned shoe-lace in the corner.

THE END

Oh, and one more thing, at first Kannuki and Terazuma didn't smell the smoke but later on there was some, of course. Just in case. And I think Kannuki is unappreciated.. that's why I like "using" her.. this sounded bad ''

Please review!


End file.
